Friday, November 8, 2013

Ants and Grasshoppers (All versions)

Ants and Grasshoppers

Old Version

An ant worked hard in the sweltering heat all summer, building its nest and laying up supplies for the winter.

A grasshopper thought the ant was stupid not knowing how to enjoy life. It spent its days laughing, singing & dancing thoroughly enjoying the summer.

Came winter, the ant was warm, comfortable and had no shortage of food.

The grasshopper had no proper shelter, no stored food, and couldn't find anything to eat from the snow-covered ground. So it died and the story ended.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

Modern Version

An ant worked hard in the sweltering heat all summer, building its nest and laying up supplies for the winter.

A grasshopper thought the ant was stupid not knowing how to enjoy life. It spent its days laughing, singing & dancing thoroughly enjoying the summer.

Came winter, the shivering grasshopper called a press conference and demanded to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while he was cold and starving.

TV1, TV2 & TV3 showed up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper alongside to a video clip of the ant in his comfortable home with a table full of food.

The majority of the Malaysian Parliamentarians were stunned by the sharp contrast. How could this poor grasshopper be allowed to suffer?

Khairy staged a demonstration in front of the ant's nest.

Nazri went on a hunger strike along with other grasshoppers demanding that they be relocated to warmer climate area during winter.

The Malaysia Government immediately passed a law forbidding all ants from working hard in the summer so as to bring about equality of poverty between ants and grasshoppers.

Hishammudin increased 'More Special Reservations' for grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services..

The ant was fined for failing to share 30% of his food with the grasshopper. The Prime Minister announced that this was part of the NEP. No ant should question it. (Don't forget, Tax Audits were introduced and targeted at certain individuals who were eventually penalised heavily
for not contibuting enough to the well-being of the grasshoppers).

Many years later...

Some ants migrated to the US and set up multi-billion dollar companies there.

Hundreds of grasshoppers still died of starvation despite the 'More Special Reservations'.

Losing significant number of hard working ants and free loading the grasshoppers,
Malaysia remained a developing country, despite its abundant natural resources.

All because the remaining ANTS were still doing their work

Latest finding showed that almost all the grasshoppers in the political arena and civil service were hoarding corrupt wealth which they refused to share with fellow grasshoppers.


Latest (VERSION 3)

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

Channels 7, 9 and 10,the ABC and SBS show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

Australia is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Acorn stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Cardinal George Pell then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Prime Minister Rudd condemns the ant and blames John Howard, Robert Menzies, Capt James Cook, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight.

Bob Brown exclaims in an interview on Today Tonight that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, Labor in conjunction with the Greens draft the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is
taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood.

Be careful how you vote in 2011.

I’ve sent this to you because I believe that you are an ant – not a grasshopper! Make sure that you pass this on to other ants. Don’t bother sending it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn’t understand it, anyway.



Semasa rompakan, perompak bank berteriak kepada semua orang di bank: 

"Semua tiarap di lantai dan jangan melawan! Wang ini kepunyaan bank tapi nyawa anda adalah kepunyaan anda..."

Semua orang dalam bank pun ikut arahan perompak tanpa melawan dan senyap.

*Ini dipanggil "berfikir di luar kotak." - berfikir lain daripada yang lain!

Apabila seorang wanita bertiarap di atas meja dengan gaya yang menggoda, perompak menjerit kepadanya "Tolong bersopan! Ini adalah rompakan, bukan cubaan merogol!"

*Ini dipanggil sebagai "profesional." - Fokus hanya pada apa yang anda dilatih untuk melakukan!

Apabila perompak bank kembali ke rumah, perompak muda (kelulusan MBA) memberitahu kepada perompak yang lebih tua (lulus darjah 6 sahaja): "Taiko, mari kita kira berapa banyak duit kita dapat."

Perompak tua menyangkal dan berkata: "kau ni bodoh! Terdapat banyak wang, sampai bila baru kita habis kira ? Malam ni kita tonton berita di tv, pasti kita akan tahu jumlah rompakan dari berita tersebut."

*Ini dipanggil "pengalaman." - Kini, pengalaman adalah lebih penting daripada sijil kertas!

Selepas perompak telah beredar, pengurus bank itu mengarahkan penyelia bank untuk memanggil polis dengan cepat. Tetapi penyelia berkata kepadanya: "Tunggu Mari kita ambil $ 10 juta daripada bank untuk diri kita dan tambah kepada $ 70 juta yang kita sudah gelapkan dari bank!".

*Ini dipanggil "inovatif." - Menukar keadaan tidak menguntungkan untuk keuntungan anda!

Penyelia berkata: "alang kah baiknya jika rompakan berlaku setiap bulan. Dapat juga kita gelapkan duit"

*Ini dipanggil "berpandangan jauh." - merancang masa depan selangkah lebih awal!

Keesokan harinya, berita TV melaporkan bahawa $ 100 juta telah diambil dari bank. Perompak mengira, mengira dan mengira berulang kali, tetapi mereka hanya boleh mengira $ 20 juta.

Perompak sangat marah dan mengadu: "Cilaka! Kita mempertaruhkan nyawa kita dan hanya mendapat $ 20 juta tapi Pengurus bank pula mengambil $ 80 juta dengan hanya petikan jarinya, nampaknya lebih baik menjadi orang pintar daripada menjadi pencuri."

*Ini dipanggil "pengetahuan." - pengetahuan kunci kejayaan hidup!

Pengurus bank itu tersenyum dan gembira kerana kerugiannya dalam permainan pasaran saham kini sudah dilangsaikan oleh duit rompakan itu.

*Ini dipanggil "sambil menyelam minum air." - mempergunakan peluang yang ada untuk mencipta peluang yang lain!

Soalan : Siapa Perompak sebenar di sini ?

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Marriage Humour

Husband texts to wife on cell, "Hi, what are you doing Darling?
Wife: I'm dying
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?"
Wife: "You idiot! I'm dying my hair !"
Husband muttered : " Bloody English language"

An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you ?"
Husband: Darling, you remember that jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell In love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said, "Baby, it'll be yours one day?
Wife (with a smile & blushing) : Yeah, I remember that my love!
Husband: I am in the pub just next to that shop.
Wife slapped phone.

An airline introduced a special package for businessmen.
Buy Your Ticket Get Your Wife's Ticket Free.
After great success; the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply,"Which Trip?"

Husband was seriously ill
Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in good mood, don't discuss your problems, no TV, don't demand new clothes & gold jewels. Do this for one year and he will be OK. On the way home..
Husband: What did the doc say?
Wife: No chance for you to survive

What is an intelligent wife ?
''An Intelligent wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman"

To surprise her husband Woman buys a new SIM Card and puts it In her phone and decides to surprise her husband who Is seated on the couch In the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number: "Hello Darling"
The husband responds in a low tone: "Let me call you back"
Later the husband called back the number, "OK honey, the dumb lady is in the kitchen"

A Wife treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday...

At the Club : Doorman says: "Hi Jim how are you?"
Wife asks: "How does he knows you?"
Jim says: "I play football with him "

Inside :Barman says: "The usual Jim?"
Jim quickly says to Wife, "Before you say anything, he's on the darts team in my local."
Next :A lap dancer says: "Hi Jim! Do you crave Special again?

The wife storms out dragging Jim with her and jumps into a taxi.
Driver says, "Hey Jimmy Boy, You picked up an ugly one this time !"
Jim's funeral is on Sunday

Cool message by a wife: "Dear mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came and asked,"What happened son?"
Kid said, "I can't adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own."

At an African Safari, a lion suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
Wife: "Shoot him! Shoot him!
Santa: "Yes...Yes... I'm changing the battery of my camera"


Husband was throwing knives on wife's picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "Missing You !"

When a married man says, "I'll think about it", What he really means is that, he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet !

A lady to doctor, "My husband has the habit of talking in sleep! What should I give him to cure?" Doctor, "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awakes"

Having a WIFE Is A Part Of Living But having a GIRLFRIEND along with The WIFE Is Art Of Living.

It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the neck of the family & the neck can turn the head exactly the way she wants.

Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure, what are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes and No."

What is the Difference between Mother & Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

Husband asks: "Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means... Without Information Fighting Everytime !
WIFE says: "No darling, it means With Idiot For Ever "


Wife: "I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in your hands all day."
Husband: "I too wish that you was a newspaper so I could have a new one every day."

HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further.
Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE

What's the similarity between chewing gum & wife ? Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless in the end.

Wife running after a garbage truck, "Am I too late for the garbage? !"Hubby following her yelled, "Not Yet ! Jump In Fast. !!!"

A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled, "How would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldnt believe his luck: 'That would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"

What is the Difference between Friend and Wife You can tell your friend, "You're my Best Friend"
But do you have the courage tell to your wife, "You're my Best Wife?"

Husband to a newly wed wife: "I could go to the end of the world for you."
Wife: "Thanks, but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life."

Judge: "Why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?"
Man: "Your honor, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week."

Doctor: "Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills."
Wife: "Doc, when should I give them to him?"
Doctor: "They are for you !!!"

Monday, March 26, 2012

Whats In A Name

This Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look.

"Mom, why is my bigger brother named Thunderstorm?"
She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"
She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."

"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"
"Because we were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."

Thoughtfully, Mother paused and asked her son,"Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are you so curious?"

Friday, March 9, 2012