NEW BUDGET AIRLINES RULES

Budget airlines with ‘no-frills’ may come to this stage one day!

Attendant: Welcome aboard ‘Ala Carte Air’, Sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be RM5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to 'Sit'.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of RM5. It's the Airline's new Policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be RM10, please.

Passenger: What?!

Attendant: The airline now charges a RM10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion! I won't stand for it!

Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that RM10.

Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the Air Marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to 'shoot’ me?

Attendant: No, but there's a RM50 Air-Marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right! Here, take the RM10. I can't believe this!

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, Sir. Just insert three 20 sen coins into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?!

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 60 sen.

Passenger: I don't have any coins. Can you make change for a ringgit?

Attendant: Certainly, Sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only one 20 sen coin for my ringgit.

Attendant: Yes, there's a 'change making fee' of 20 sen.

Passenger: For crying out loud! All I have left is 20 sen? What the heck can I do with this?

Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.