Naughty Quickies

In life, never look down on anybody, unless u are getting a lovely view of the cleavage!

Whatever you see a woman and an opportunity, dont screw the opportunity.

Define contraceptive pills?
It is the second best thing that a woman can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.

Man tease his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude, how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband : Not bad, after the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

What is the similarity between doing sex and doing surgery?
Skill is more important than the instrument...

The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.
The Lord Almighty sentences them to 'Hang till death'.

A football team loses their star player, Roger Dicks, due to an injury.
Next day, a headline reads "Team to play without Dicks"
The team manager calls up the newspaper and objects, so the editor changes the headline.
It reads "Team to play with Dicks out"

What is the definition of a Lesbian?
Yet another Damn Woman trying to do a Man's job!!

On a nude beach, a man shakes hand with a lady and says : Pleased to meet you.
Lady : Yeah, I can see that.


Today's generation:
Six year old boy to a four year old boy : Dude, I found a condom on the balcony.
Four year old boy : What's a balcony?

What advice does the doctor give to a sick prostitutes?
Stay out of bed for two days.

Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook.
The first geezer said, "my handsshake so bad, that when I shaved this morning, I cut my face!"
The second old fogey one-upped him, "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shakes so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!"

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window..
Wife yells : That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband : Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife : Because I thought he was you, until he started the second time.

Prostitute : Hi, want to have sex?
Santa : Ok, but only if you do it like my wife does.
Prostitute : I can do it any way. So how does she do it?
Santa : She does it for free.

Doctor : Your knees are all blistered?
Lady : Cause of the doggy style!
Doctor : Cant you do it any other style?
Lady : Oh, I can. But the dog cant!