Perhatian..

Definasi

Semasa rompakan, perompak bank berteriak kepada semua orang di bank: 

"Semua tiarap di lantai dan jangan melawan! Wang ini kepunyaan bank tapi nyawa anda adalah kepunyaan anda..."

Semua orang dalam bank pun ikut arahan perompak tanpa melawan dan senyap.

*Ini dipanggil "berfikir di luar kotak." - berfikir lain daripada yang lain!

Apabila seorang wanita bertiarap di atas meja dengan gaya yang menggoda, perompak menjerit kepadanya "Tolong bersopan! Ini adalah rompakan, bukan cubaan merogol!"

*Ini dipanggil sebagai "profesional." - Fokus hanya pada apa yang anda dilatih untuk melakukan!

Apabila perompak bank kembali ke rumah, perompak muda (kelulusan MBA) memberitahu kepada perompak yang lebih tua (lulus darjah 6 sahaja): "Taiko, mari kita kira berapa banyak duit kita dapat."

Perompak tua menyangkal dan berkata: "kau ni bodoh! Terdapat banyak wang, sampai bila baru kita habis kira ? Malam ni kita tonton berita di tv, pasti kita akan tahu jumlah rompakan dari berita tersebut."

*Ini dipanggil "pengalaman." - Kini, pengalaman adalah lebih penting daripada sijil kertas!

Selepas perompak telah beredar, pengurus bank itu mengarahkan penyelia bank untuk memanggil polis dengan cepat. Tetapi penyelia berkata kepadanya: "Tunggu Mari kita ambil $ 10 juta daripada bank untuk diri kita dan tambah kepada $ 70 juta yang kita sudah gelapkan dari bank!".

*Ini dipanggil "inovatif." - Menukar keadaan tidak menguntungkan untuk keuntungan anda!

Penyelia berkata: "alang kah baiknya jika rompakan berlaku setiap bulan. Dapat juga kita gelapkan duit"

*Ini dipanggil "berpandangan jauh." - merancang masa depan selangkah lebih awal!

Keesokan harinya, berita TV melaporkan bahawa $ 100 juta telah diambil dari bank. Perompak mengira, mengira dan mengira berulang kali, tetapi mereka hanya boleh mengira $ 20 juta.

Perompak sangat marah dan mengadu: "Cilaka! Kita mempertaruhkan nyawa kita dan hanya mendapat $ 20 juta tapi Pengurus bank pula mengambil $ 80 juta dengan hanya petikan jarinya, nampaknya lebih baik menjadi orang pintar daripada menjadi pencuri."

*Ini dipanggil "pengetahuan." - pengetahuan kunci kejayaan hidup!

Pengurus bank itu tersenyum dan gembira kerana kerugiannya dalam permainan pasaran saham kini sudah dilangsaikan oleh duit rompakan itu.

*Ini dipanggil "sambil menyelam minum air." - mempergunakan peluang yang ada untuk mencipta peluang yang lain!

Soalan : Siapa Perompak sebenar di sini ?

Shoes

Marriage Humour

Husband texts to wife on cell, "Hi, what are you doing Darling?
Wife: I'm dying
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?"
Wife: "You idiot! I'm dying my hair !"
Husband muttered : " Bloody English language"
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An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you ?"
Husband: Darling, you remember that jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell In love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said, "Baby, it'll be yours one day?
Wife (with a smile & blushing) : Yeah, I remember that my love!
Husband: I am in the pub just next to that shop.
Wife slapped phone.
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An airline introduced a special package for businessmen.
Buy Your Ticket Get Your Wife's Ticket Free.
After great success; the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply,"Which Trip?"
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Husband was seriously ill
Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in good mood, don't discuss your problems, no TV, don't demand new clothes & gold jewels. Do this for one year and he will be OK. On the way home..
Husband: What did the doc say?
Wife: No chance for you to survive
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What is an intelligent wife ?
''An Intelligent wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman"
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To surprise her husband Woman buys a new SIM Card and puts it In her phone and decides to surprise her husband who Is seated on the couch In the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number: "Hello Darling"
The husband responds in a low tone: "Let me call you back"
Later the husband called back the number, "OK honey, the dumb lady is in the kitchen"
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A Wife treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday...

At the Club : Doorman says: "Hi Jim how are you?"
Wife asks: "How does he knows you?"
Jim says: "I play football with him "

Inside :Barman says: "The usual Jim?"
Jim quickly says to Wife, "Before you say anything, he's on the darts team in my local."
Next :A lap dancer says: "Hi Jim! Do you crave Special again?

The wife storms out dragging Jim with her and jumps into a taxi.
Driver says, "Hey Jimmy Boy, You picked up an ugly one this time !"
Jim's funeral is on Sunday
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Cool message by a wife: "Dear mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"
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A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came and asked,"What happened son?"
Kid said, "I can't adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own."
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At an African Safari, a lion suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
Wife: "Shoot him! Shoot him!
Santa: "Yes...Yes... I'm changing the battery of my camera"

__________________________________________________

Husband was throwing knives on wife's picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "Missing You !"
__________________________________________________

When a married man says, "I'll think about it", What he really means is that, he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet !
__________________________________________________

A lady to doctor, "My husband has the habit of talking in sleep! What should I give him to cure?" Doctor, "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awakes"
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Having a WIFE Is A Part Of Living But having a GIRLFRIEND along with The WIFE Is Art Of Living.
__________________________________________________

It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the neck of the family & the neck can turn the head exactly the way she wants.
__________________________________________________

Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure, what are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes and No."
__________________________________________________

What is the Difference between Mother & Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.
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Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
___________________________________________________

Husband asks: "Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means... Without Information Fighting Everytime !
WIFE says: "No darling, it means With Idiot For Ever "

__________________________________________________

Wife: "I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in your hands all day."
Husband: "I too wish that you was a newspaper so I could have a new one every day."
___________________________________________________

HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further.
Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE
___________________________________________________

What's the similarity between chewing gum & wife ? Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless in the end.
____________________________________________________

Wife running after a garbage truck, "Am I too late for the garbage? !"Hubby following her yelled, "Not Yet ! Jump In Fast. !!!"
____________________________________________________

A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled, "How would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldnt believe his luck: 'That would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.
____________________________________________________

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"
____________________________________________________

What is the Difference between Friend and Wife You can tell your friend, "You're my Best Friend"
But do you have the courage tell to your wife, "You're my Best Wife?"
____________________________________________________

Husband to a newly wed wife: "I could go to the end of the world for you."
Wife: "Thanks, but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life."
____________________________________________________

Judge: "Why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?"
Man: "Your honor, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week."
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Doctor: "Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills."
Wife: "Doc, when should I give them to him?"
Doctor: "They are for you !!!"

Whats In A Name

This Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look.

"Mom, why is my bigger brother named Thunderstorm?"
She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"
She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."

"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"
"Because we were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."

Thoughtfully, Mother paused and asked her son,"Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are you so curious?"

Beer

What does Beer contain?

Beer contains female hormones!
Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!

Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooner sof beer within a one (1) hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary!

Jokes Again

Signal for sex

Man marries deaf girl.
He mimes to her: "Let's make a signal code if we want sex?"
She nods and agrees.
So he goes: "If I want sex, I'll squeeze your breast. In response you can shake my penis once for "yes" and 50 times for "no"....

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Smart

Tom ask hooker how much for sex?
She says: $50 on bed, $20 on sofa and $10 on grass.
He then hands her $50.
She says: "You man of class, one time on bed...?"
He says: "NO!! 5 times on grass...."

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New drink from Malaysia

The Malaysian government has approved the release of a new drink made with cutting edge technology. It's a combination of Horlicks, Milo Kopi & Teh. It's called - "LICKMYKOTEH"....

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Expiry date

A 95 yr old man sucks his 90yr old wife's breast for 1/2 hour, drinks 2 drops of her milk and dies...
Post-mortem report - Died of drinking something after EXPIRY DATE ...

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Biology Lesson

Teacher: A man's penis has 2 key functions: Urination & Reproduction.
Student: But my dad uses it to brush our maid's teeth.

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Government job

A guy goes to interview for a Government job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now ! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."
The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"
" Well, here at the government, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of your coming in for that!"

Exercise??

Health Messege

1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postmen would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water.. and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops.. and only lives 15 years.

4. A tortoise does not run nor do anything... yet lives for 450 years.

AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE !!!!
Have a wonderful day!

Naughty Quickies

In life, never look down on anybody, unless u are getting a lovely view of the cleavage!

Whatever you see a woman and an opportunity, dont screw the opportunity.

Define contraceptive pills?
It is the second best thing that a woman can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.

Man tease his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude, how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband : Not bad, after the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

What is the similarity between doing sex and doing surgery?
Skill is more important than the instrument...

The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.
The Lord Almighty sentences them to 'Hang till death'.

A football team loses their star player, Roger Dicks, due to an injury.
Next day, a headline reads "Team to play without Dicks"
The team manager calls up the newspaper and objects, so the editor changes the headline.
It reads "Team to play with Dicks out"

What is the definition of a Lesbian?
Yet another Damn Woman trying to do a Man's job!!

On a nude beach, a man shakes hand with a lady and says : Pleased to meet you.
Lady : Yeah, I can see that.


Today's generation:
Six year old boy to a four year old boy : Dude, I found a condom on the balcony.
Four year old boy : What's a balcony?

What advice does the doctor give to a sick prostitutes?
Stay out of bed for two days.

Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook.
The first geezer said, "my handsshake so bad, that when I shaved this morning, I cut my face!"
The second old fogey one-upped him, "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shakes so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!"

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window..
Wife yells : That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband : Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife : Because I thought he was you, until he started the second time.

Prostitute : Hi, want to have sex?
Santa : Ok, but only if you do it like my wife does.
Prostitute : I can do it any way. So how does she do it?
Santa : She does it for free.

Doctor : Your knees are all blistered?
Lady : Cause of the doggy style!
Doctor : Cant you do it any other style?
Lady : Oh, I can. But the dog cant!

Moral of the Story

The parts of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

Each organ took a turn to speak up.
Brain ..... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood ..... I should be charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach ..... I should be in charge because I process food for the brain.
Legs .... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes ..... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole ..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other body parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.

To prove his points, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1 ..... Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 ..... Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 ..... Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 ..... Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 ..... Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 ..... The other body parts agreed to let the asshole be in charge

MORAL OF THE STORY
NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE,
YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS AN ASSHOLE THAT IS TRULY IN CHARGE.

Bolehland

A farmer was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in Bolehland when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young Malay man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you givemea calf?"

The farmer looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his iPad, connects it to his CingularRAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exportsit to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany . Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his iPhone 4 that the image has been processed and the data is stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his iPhone 4 and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on hishi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the farmer.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the farmer says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a graduate from Oxford and a Member of Parliament for Umno," says the farmer.

"Wow! That's correct," exclaims the yuppie with the customary Umno's Wow Factor, "But how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, and to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you are,and you don't know a thing about cows. This is a herd of sheep.

"Now give me back my dog."

The Wedding Test

I was a very happy man.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate, because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

Present for husband

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?'

The husband laughs and says: 'An Italian girl !!!' The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: 'So, honey, how was the trip?'

'Very good, thank you.' 'And, what happened to my present?'

'Which present?' She asked.

'The one I asked for - an Italian girl !!!'

'Oh, that' she said 'Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!'

Facebook of The Old

Jokes

There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.
The Female pencil got pregnant !!
Which Male pencil is responsible?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.

Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings!
'YES'.. OK, BYE'.
She turns to her lover and says, THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU.

Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!!
Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo !!!
Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!

Three Guys were introduced to a girl.
Hi,..... I'm Peter, not a saint.
I'm Paul not a POPE.
I'm John not a Baptist...
The girl replied.. Hi.. I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.

Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time.
Mistresses are Tomyams..Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!

Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied: I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but certainly not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Ultimate True Test : Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open the trunk and see who's the happiest to see you.

Great British Ads

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel,
1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog... able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition.....£200 or best offer.
No longer needed; got married last month.
Wife knows everything!

Good Bye

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there,looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened HERE.

He asked "What"??????

She said "This morning our neighbor James suddenly died. "

Beer Contains Female Hormones

This indeed is worrisome ..

Beer contains female hormones

Last month, Wits University and RAU scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones ( hops contains Phytoestrogens ) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

This indeed is worrisome .

A Woman Turns 50

A Woman had a facelift for her 50th birthday

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'

'About 32,' is the reply.

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'

The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself.. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies,'I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.

She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay...How old am I?' He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

'I promise I won't,' she says.

'I was behind you in McDonalds'