# 1
If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry.
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and enjoy life!
# 2
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
Think about it ....!!
#3
Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside.
So, try going out without clothes tomorrow and see the admiration !
#4
Don't walk as if you rule the world.
Walk as if you don't care who rules the world !
That's called a ttitude !
Keep on rocking !
# 5
Only one percent of boys have brains ; the rest have girlfriends!
Are you the brainy one ?
# 6
All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
The History of the Middle Finger & "Fuck You"
This may be the most often used word in the English language, probably after the word "the". But how many of us know the origin of the words "fuck you". Culture and history are intertwined and can explain how things are the way they are today. Teenagers reading this can share the origin of "fuck you" with their parents the next time they get reprimanded for using the phrase - once you can explain the history to your parents, its not so bad. Somehow I think the story is true because I have read and heard many times before about 'giving him the bird' - which I thought was silly although that had overt nasty overtones. Now it all makes sense.
Well, now......here’s something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow; and therefore, they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, “See, we can still pluck yew!” Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labio-dentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
Well, now......here’s something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow; and therefore, they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, “See, we can still pluck yew!” Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labio-dentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
Thursday, May 21, 2009
What A Coincidence!
A chicken farmer went to a local pub, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence,' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me, I am celebrating.'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' said the woman.
'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for months all of my hens seemed infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' said the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence,' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me, I am celebrating.'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' said the woman.
'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for months all of my hens seemed infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' said the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Two Australian Businessmen
Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Chinese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Chinese accent asked 'You sell what?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Chinaman said, 'You doing velly well; only last two left!'
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Chinese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Chinese accent asked 'You sell what?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Chinaman said, 'You doing velly well; only last two left!'
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
ECONOMICS : THE COW FACTOR (PART II)
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You mortgage both of them to the bank & obtain investment for two more cows,
Then re-mortgage the investment the four cows for eight cows and continue to do likewise,
The financial market was flooding with mortgages & investments in cow's assets,
No one knows where & who owned the original 2 cow's ...... ?
Then these 2 original cows grew old & eventually died,
You are surprised when there's No Asset to back up the mortgage or repay the loan ???
Finally, You ask the govt to bail out the collapse financial cow's market!
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead..
Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,One "cow-peh" and one "cow-bu".
Earlier post
http://stuffsfromnet.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2008-09-17T06%3A40%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=7
You have two cows.
You mortgage both of them to the bank & obtain investment for two more cows,
Then re-mortgage the investment the four cows for eight cows and continue to do likewise,
The financial market was flooding with mortgages & investments in cow's assets,
No one knows where & who owned the original 2 cow's ...... ?
Then these 2 original cows grew old & eventually died,
You are surprised when there's No Asset to back up the mortgage or repay the loan ???
Finally, You ask the govt to bail out the collapse financial cow's market!
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead..
Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,One "cow-peh" and one "cow-bu".
Earlier post
http://stuffsfromnet.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2008-09-17T06%3A40%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=7
Thursday, February 12, 2009
And Then The Fight Started (Again!)
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the ‘mad cow’?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started…
-----------
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, “Your eyesight's damn near perfect.”
And then the fight started…
---------------------------------
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Carlsberg for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started…
-------------------------------
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.
And then the fight started…
---------------------------
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy crap. That must be my husband!”
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later, he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I AM your husband!”
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”
And then the fight started…
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I are watching ‘ Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started…
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And then the fight started…
------------------------------------------------------------------
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, email, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes.
When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
“When you finish cutting the grass,” I said, “you might as well sweep the driveway.”
And then the fight started…
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the ‘mad cow’?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started…
-----------
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, “Your eyesight's damn near perfect.”
And then the fight started…
---------------------------------
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Carlsberg for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started…
-------------------------------
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.
And then the fight started…
---------------------------
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy crap. That must be my husband!”
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later, he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I AM your husband!”
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”
And then the fight started…
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I are watching ‘ Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started…
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And then the fight started…
------------------------------------------------------------------
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, email, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes.
When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
“When you finish cutting the grass,” I said, “you might as well sweep the driveway.”
And then the fight started…
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