I got an SMS (a fictitious one I suppose) from a CIA agent who managed to pick up their conversations. Perhaps it would be of interest to us all. Of course the critical ones have to be dropped for security reasons.
As both leaders sat down at the posh Oval Office, Bush made the first move by asking Pak Lah: So how is Malaysia today?
Without much hesitation Pak Lah replied: That website is a pain in the ***. But I thought they were being funded by your people in the CIA, are you still funding them?
Bush frowned not knowing what the hell the PM was talking about, but when on to ask the next question:I am afraid I have not much time, as other leaders are waiting outside. Do you require any aid from us Mr Prime Minister?
Pak Lah smiled and confidently replied : AIDS in Malaysia is under control Mr President, we got rid of Mahathirs daughter as its head, now it OK. Please dont give us any more AIDS Mr President, please.
Bush scratched his head, not wanting to embarrass the PM he moved on : Southern Thailand is becoming very volatile a threat to peace and stability in your region. I m sure you are told of the incident in Haadyai.
Pak Lah happily replied: Oh yes Haadyai is a lovely place, heaven to some. They have lots of entertainment there. Massage parlours and .......
Immediately Bush cut him off and angrily shouted : I meant the bomb incident there Mr Prime Minister!
Pak Lah softly replied: It was not my son. Nuclear centrifuge they say was supplied by my son. No he is not into making bombs Mr President not him nor his company nor his associates.
Bush was so frustrated, and he asked: Have you got a hearing problem.
Mr Prime Minister Dollah nodded and said: I am waiting for the hearing.
Bush retorted: What hearing?
Dollah replied instantly: The one where Anwar is suing Mahathir for defamation.
With his patience almost gone Bush asked: Are you really in control Mr Prime Minsiter?
Hesitantly Pak lah replied: Yes I am with my son and son in law, we are all in control, which you dont have to worry Mr President.
To which Bush shouted: Next leader please!
Dollah stood up and shake the Presdients hand:Thank you so much for your time.
Later outside the Oval Office, TV3, Bernama, NST and all their spin doctors crowded around Dollah for a brief press conference.
A reporter questioned: How did the meeting go Pak Lah?
Pak Lah looked him in the eyes and said: Suatu perjumpaan yang sangat penting dan bermakna.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Health & Fitness - the Facts
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). A pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember......."Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! .................What a Ride!"
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). A pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember......."Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! .................What a Ride!"
Office Lesson
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine.
"I just need one copy."
Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
************************************************
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window:
"I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says.
"I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see," says the manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"
Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.
*****************************************************
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?"
Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
*********************************
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French,who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, " VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool
of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER".
He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!........."
Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what you say accidentally does happen.
********************************************************
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.
"Pfufffff, and he was also gone. The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"
Lesson V - "Always allow the bosses to speak first"
*********************************************
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine.
"I just need one copy."
Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
************************************************
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window:
"I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says.
"I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see," says the manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"
Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.
*****************************************************
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?"
Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
*********************************
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French,who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, " VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool
of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER".
He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!........."
Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes what you say accidentally does happen.
********************************************************
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.
"Pfufffff, and he was also gone. The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"
Lesson V - "Always allow the bosses to speak first"
*********************************************
IN CASE YOU WANTED TO KNOW
1. Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer.
2. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
3. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
4. 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
5. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
6. On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
7. Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
8. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
9. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.
10. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
13. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
14. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
15. The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
16. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
17. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
18. Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
19. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
20. The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
21. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
22. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
23. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
24. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola,and Budweiser, in that order.
25. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.
26. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, prick your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
27.
28. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
29. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
30. The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
31.The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
32. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
33. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
34. "Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
35. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
36. In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".
37. A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
38. European women didn't wear underwear until the 1900's.
39. We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.
40. Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines .
41. Coca-Cola can be used as car oil.
42. Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
43. Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
44. Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
45. When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying"yes" in Sri Lanka.
46. There are more chickens than people in the world.
47. It's against the law in Iceland to have a dog.
48. The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
49. The only word in the English Language with all vowels in reverse order is "subcontinental".
50. There are more telephones than people in Washington , D.C.
51. Beethoven poured ice water over his head before he composed.
52. In Pakistan , it's rude to show your feet.
53. 90% of those read till this line are very free.... are you?
eantautjk : Authenticity not verified
2. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
3. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
4. 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
5. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
6. On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
7. Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
8. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
9. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.
10. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
13. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
14. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
15. The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
16. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
17. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
18. Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
19. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
20. The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
21. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
22. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
23. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
24. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola,and Budweiser, in that order.
25. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.
26. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, prick your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
27.
28. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
29. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
30. The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
31.The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
32. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
33. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
34. "Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
35. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
36. In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".
37. A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
38. European women didn't wear underwear until the 1900's.
39. We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.
40. Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines .
41. Coca-Cola can be used as car oil.
42. Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
43. Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
44. Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
45. When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying"yes" in Sri Lanka.
46. There are more chickens than people in the world.
47. It's against the law in Iceland to have a dog.
48. The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
49. The only word in the English Language with all vowels in reverse order is "subcontinental".
50. There are more telephones than people in Washington , D.C.
51. Beethoven poured ice water over his head before he composed.
52. In Pakistan , it's rude to show your feet.
53. 90% of those read till this line are very free.... are you?
eantautjk : Authenticity not verified
AreYou Smart?
Test for smart people!
Below are four questions and a bonus question. You have to answerthem instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of themimmediately. OK?Let's find out just how clever you really are.Ready?
GO!!! (scroll down)
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person.What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong! If youovertake the second person and you take his place, you are second!Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrongagain. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? You're not very good at this! Are you?
Third Question:Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Addanother 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day.
Maybe you will get the last question right?
Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Answer: Nunu? No! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again
Okay, now the bonus round:
Bonus Question:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating theaction of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself tothe shopkeeper and the purchase is done.Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Answer: He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.
Below are four questions and a bonus question. You have to answerthem instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of themimmediately. OK?Let's find out just how clever you really are.Ready?
GO!!! (scroll down)
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person.What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong! If youovertake the second person and you take his place, you are second!Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrongagain. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? You're not very good at this! Are you?
Third Question:Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Addanother 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day.
Maybe you will get the last question right?
Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Answer: Nunu? No! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again
Okay, now the bonus round:
Bonus Question:
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating theaction of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself tothe shopkeeper and the purchase is done.Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Answer: He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.
Did you know that.........
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The average number of people airborne over the US at any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander, the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laserprinters all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bedfirmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law withall the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.
In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F. U. C. K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that came from.
eantautjk: authenthicity not verified
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The average number of people airborne over the US at any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander, the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laserprinters all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bedfirmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law withall the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.
In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F. U. C. K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that came from.
eantautjk: authenthicity not verified
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter? PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have ?"
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?" Sam : "She's a woman".
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?" Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?" Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter? PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have ?"
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?" Sam : "She's a woman".
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?" Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?" Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
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