Three Minutes Management Course

Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing upher shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in atowel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, thenext-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 todrop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel andstands naked in front of Bob.After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back upin the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, herhusband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' shereplies.'Great!' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to creditand risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

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Lesson 2: A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. Aftercontrolling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changinggears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but theflesh is weak.' riving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On hisarrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Goforth and seek - further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might missa profitable opportunity.

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Lesson 3: A sales rep, administration clerk, and the manager are walking tolunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.''Me first! Me first!' says the administration clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff!She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of PinaColadas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I wantthose two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

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Lesson 4: An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A smallrabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and donothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on theground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumpedon the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sittingvery, very high up.

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Lesson 5: A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to getto the top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.''Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull,'They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, andfound it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of thetree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the secondbranch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at thetop of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out ofthe tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

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Lesson 6: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold thebird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lyingthere, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird laythere in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dungwas actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soonbegan to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came toinvestigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pileof cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's smart to keep your mouth shut!

Thus ends the 3-minute management course. Now go forth and succeed!!!!!