Jokes Again

A says to P: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
P says: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even at home yesterday.

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P says to M - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.
Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.
M asks - So what are you going to do this year?.
P replies - I'm gunna take her with me!

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P goes to America for the 1st time, walking up 5th Avenue .
He sees a building on fire and rushes over to see people stuck at the 4th floor windows.
He shouts up , - I'm P, a rugby player, jump and I'll catch ya.
A girl jumps out and P catches her, a guy jumps and P gets him too. Then a black guy jumps and P lets him hit the concrete, then shouts up. Come on now folks, there's no point throwing down the burnt ones!!

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P says to M, "Christmas is on a Friday this year"....
M says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

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P & M find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station.
M: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
P: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

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P is in the bathroom and M shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?"
P says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."