Naughty Quickies

In life, never look down on anybody, unless u r getting a lovely view of the Cleavage!


Whenever you see a woman and an opportunity don't screw the opportunity!


Define contraceptive pill? It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy.


Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.


What is d similarity between doing sex & doing surgery?
Skill is more important than the instrument...


A football team loses their star player, Roger Dicks, due to an injury.
Next day a headline reads: Team to play without Dicks.
The manager calls up the newspaper and objects, so the editor changes the Headline.
It reads: Team to play with Dicks out.


What is the definition of a Lesbian?
Yet another Damm Woman trying to do a Man's job!!


On a nude beach, a man shakes hand with a lady & says: Pleased to meet U!
Lady: Yeah, I can SEE that.


Today's generation:
Six year old boy to a four year old boy: Dude, I found a Condom in the balcony.
Four year old boy: What's a balcony ?


What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes? Stay out of BED for two days.


Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook.
The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!" The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times."


A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window..
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.


Prostitute: Hi, want to have sex?
Santa: Ok. Only if you do it like my wife does.
Prostitute: I can do it in any way. So how does she do it?
Santa: She does it for free.


Doctor: Ur knees all blistered?
Lady: Coz of doggy style!
Doctor: Cant u do it any other style?
Lady: Oh, I can, but the dog can't