Thursday, May 24, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Marriage Humour
Husband texts to wife on cell, "Hi, what are you doing Darling?
Wife: I'm dying
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?"
Wife: "You idiot! I'm dying my hair !"
Husband muttered : " Bloody English language"
__________________________________________________
An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you ?"
Husband: Darling, you remember that jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell In love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said, "Baby, it'll be yours one day?
Wife (with a smile & blushing) : Yeah, I remember that my love!
Husband: I am in the pub just next to that shop.
Wife slapped phone.
__________________________________________________
An airline introduced a special package for businessmen.
Buy Your Ticket Get Your Wife's Ticket Free.
After great success; the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply,"Which Trip?"
__________________________________________________
Husband was seriously ill
Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in good mood, don't discuss your problems, no TV, don't demand new clothes & gold jewels. Do this for one year and he will be OK. On the way home..
Husband: What did the doc say?
Wife: No chance for you to survive
__________________________________________________
What is an intelligent wife ?
''An Intelligent wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman"
__________________________________________________
To surprise her husband Woman buys a new SIM Card and puts it In her phone and decides to surprise her husband who Is seated on the couch In the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number: "Hello Darling"
The husband responds in a low tone: "Let me call you back"
Later the husband called back the number, "OK honey, the dumb lady is in the kitchen"
__________________________________________________
A Wife treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday...
At the Club : Doorman says: "Hi Jim how are you?"
Wife asks: "How does he knows you?"
Jim says: "I play football with him "
Inside :Barman says: "The usual Jim?"
Jim quickly says to Wife, "Before you say anything, he's on the darts team in my local."
Next :A lap dancer says: "Hi Jim! Do you crave Special again?
The wife storms out dragging Jim with her and jumps into a taxi.
Driver says, "Hey Jimmy Boy, You picked up an ugly one this time !"
Jim's funeral is on Sunday
__________________________________________________
Cool message by a wife: "Dear mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"
__________________________________________________
A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came and asked,"What happened son?"
Kid said, "I can't adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own."
__________________________________________________
At an African Safari, a lion suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
Wife: "Shoot him! Shoot him!
Santa: "Yes...Yes... I'm changing the battery of my camera"
__________________________________________________
Husband was throwing knives on wife's picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "Missing You !"
__________________________________________________
When a married man says, "I'll think about it", What he really means is that, he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet !
__________________________________________________
A lady to doctor, "My husband has the habit of talking in sleep! What should I give him to cure?" Doctor, "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awakes"
__________________________________________________
Having a WIFE Is A Part Of Living But having a GIRLFRIEND along with The WIFE Is Art Of Living.
__________________________________________________
It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the neck of the family & the neck can turn the head exactly the way she wants.
__________________________________________________
Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure, what are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes and No."
__________________________________________________
What is the Difference between Mother & Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.
__________________________________________________
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
___________________________________________________
Husband asks: "Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means... Without Information Fighting Everytime !
WIFE says: "No darling, it means With Idiot For Ever "
__________________________________________________
Wife: "I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in your hands all day."
Husband: "I too wish that you was a newspaper so I could have a new one every day."
___________________________________________________
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further.
Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE
___________________________________________________
What's the similarity between chewing gum & wife ? Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless in the end.
____________________________________________________
Wife running after a garbage truck, "Am I too late for the garbage? !"Hubby following her yelled, "Not Yet ! Jump In Fast. !!!"
____________________________________________________
A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled, "How would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldnt believe his luck: 'That would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.
____________________________________________________
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"
____________________________________________________
What is the Difference between Friend and Wife You can tell your friend, "You're my Best Friend"
But do you have the courage tell to your wife, "You're my Best Wife?"
____________________________________________________
Husband to a newly wed wife: "I could go to the end of the world for you."
Wife: "Thanks, but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life."
____________________________________________________
Judge: "Why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?"
Man: "Your honor, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week."
____________________________________________________
Doctor: "Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills."
Wife: "Doc, when should I give them to him?"
Doctor: "They are for you !!!"
Wife: I'm dying
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?"
Wife: "You idiot! I'm dying my hair !"
Husband muttered : " Bloody English language"
__________________________________________________
An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you ?"
Husband: Darling, you remember that jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell In love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said, "Baby, it'll be yours one day?
Wife (with a smile & blushing) : Yeah, I remember that my love!
Husband: I am in the pub just next to that shop.
Wife slapped phone.
__________________________________________________
An airline introduced a special package for businessmen.
Buy Your Ticket Get Your Wife's Ticket Free.
After great success; the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply,"Which Trip?"
__________________________________________________
Husband was seriously ill
Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in good mood, don't discuss your problems, no TV, don't demand new clothes & gold jewels. Do this for one year and he will be OK. On the way home..
Husband: What did the doc say?
Wife: No chance for you to survive
__________________________________________________
What is an intelligent wife ?
''An Intelligent wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman"
__________________________________________________
To surprise her husband Woman buys a new SIM Card and puts it In her phone and decides to surprise her husband who Is seated on the couch In the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number: "Hello Darling"
The husband responds in a low tone: "Let me call you back"
Later the husband called back the number, "OK honey, the dumb lady is in the kitchen"
__________________________________________________
A Wife treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday...
At the Club : Doorman says: "Hi Jim how are you?"
Wife asks: "How does he knows you?"
Jim says: "I play football with him "
Inside :Barman says: "The usual Jim?"
Jim quickly says to Wife, "Before you say anything, he's on the darts team in my local."
Next :A lap dancer says: "Hi Jim! Do you crave Special again?
The wife storms out dragging Jim with her and jumps into a taxi.
Driver says, "Hey Jimmy Boy, You picked up an ugly one this time !"
Jim's funeral is on Sunday
__________________________________________________
Cool message by a wife: "Dear mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"
__________________________________________________
A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came and asked,"What happened son?"
Kid said, "I can't adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own."
__________________________________________________
At an African Safari, a lion suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
Wife: "Shoot him! Shoot him!
Santa: "Yes...Yes... I'm changing the battery of my camera"
__________________________________________________
Husband was throwing knives on wife's picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "Missing You !"
__________________________________________________
When a married man says, "I'll think about it", What he really means is that, he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet !
__________________________________________________
A lady to doctor, "My husband has the habit of talking in sleep! What should I give him to cure?" Doctor, "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awakes"
__________________________________________________
Having a WIFE Is A Part Of Living But having a GIRLFRIEND along with The WIFE Is Art Of Living.
__________________________________________________
It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the neck of the family & the neck can turn the head exactly the way she wants.
__________________________________________________
Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure, what are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes and No."
__________________________________________________
What is the Difference between Mother & Wife? One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.
__________________________________________________
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
___________________________________________________
Husband asks: "Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means... Without Information Fighting Everytime !
WIFE says: "No darling, it means With Idiot For Ever "
__________________________________________________
Wife: "I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in your hands all day."
Husband: "I too wish that you was a newspaper so I could have a new one every day."
___________________________________________________
HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further.
Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE
___________________________________________________
What's the similarity between chewing gum & wife ? Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless in the end.
____________________________________________________
Wife running after a garbage truck, "Am I too late for the garbage? !"Hubby following her yelled, "Not Yet ! Jump In Fast. !!!"
____________________________________________________
A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled, "How would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldnt believe his luck: 'That would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.
____________________________________________________
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"
____________________________________________________
What is the Difference between Friend and Wife You can tell your friend, "You're my Best Friend"
But do you have the courage tell to your wife, "You're my Best Wife?"
____________________________________________________
Husband to a newly wed wife: "I could go to the end of the world for you."
Wife: "Thanks, but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life."
____________________________________________________
Judge: "Why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?"
Man: "Your honor, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week."
____________________________________________________
Doctor: "Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills."
Wife: "Doc, when should I give them to him?"
Doctor: "They are for you !!!"
Monday, March 26, 2012
Whats In A Name
This Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look.
"Mom, why is my bigger brother named Thunderstorm?"
She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."
Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"
She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"
"Because we were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."
Thoughtfully, Mother paused and asked her son,"Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are you so curious?"
"Mom, why is my bigger brother named Thunderstorm?"
She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."
Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"
She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"
"Because we were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."
Thoughtfully, Mother paused and asked her son,"Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are you so curious?"
Friday, March 9, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Beer
What does Beer contain?
Beer contains female hormones!
Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!
Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooner sof beer within a one (1) hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary!
Beer contains female hormones!
Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!
Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooner sof beer within a one (1) hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary!
So Strange
So strange…………
RM50.00 looks so big a amount when you give to the poor
............ But looks small when you give it as a tip in hotel
Praying to god for 3 min looks hard
........... But 3 hrs of movie is ok for us
After whole days of hardwork , we have no problem of going to the gym
........... But to do house work and help mother/wife, we feel tired
We wait for 1 full year for valentines day, and we know it
.......... But when is mother's day come, we never know
RM50.00 looks so big a amount when you give to the poor
............ But looks small when you give it as a tip in hotel
Praying to god for 3 min looks hard
........... But 3 hrs of movie is ok for us
After whole days of hardwork , we have no problem of going to the gym
........... But to do house work and help mother/wife, we feel tired
We wait for 1 full year for valentines day, and we know it
.......... But when is mother's day come, we never know
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Naughty Quickies
In life, never look down on anybody, unless u r getting a lovely view of the Cleavage!
Whenever you see a woman and an opportunity don't screw the opportunity!
Define contraceptive pill? It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy.
Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.
What is d similarity between doing sex & doing surgery?
Skill is more important than the instrument...
A football team loses their star player, Roger Dicks, due to an injury.
Next day a headline reads: Team to play without Dicks.
The manager calls up the newspaper and objects, so the editor changes the Headline.
It reads: Team to play with Dicks out.
What is the definition of a Lesbian?
Yet another Damm Woman trying to do a Man's job!!
On a nude beach, a man shakes hand with a lady & says: Pleased to meet U!
Lady: Yeah, I can SEE that.
Today's generation:
Six year old boy to a four year old boy: Dude, I found a Condom in the balcony.
Four year old boy: What's a balcony ?
What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes? Stay out of BED for two days.
Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook.
The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!" The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times."
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window..
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
Prostitute: Hi, want to have sex?
Santa: Ok. Only if you do it like my wife does.
Prostitute: I can do it in any way. So how does she do it?
Santa: She does it for free.
Doctor: Ur knees all blistered?
Lady: Coz of doggy style!
Doctor: Cant u do it any other style?
Lady: Oh, I can, but the dog can't
Whenever you see a woman and an opportunity don't screw the opportunity!
Define contraceptive pill? It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy.
Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.
What is d similarity between doing sex & doing surgery?
Skill is more important than the instrument...
A football team loses their star player, Roger Dicks, due to an injury.
Next day a headline reads: Team to play without Dicks.
The manager calls up the newspaper and objects, so the editor changes the Headline.
It reads: Team to play with Dicks out.
What is the definition of a Lesbian?
Yet another Damm Woman trying to do a Man's job!!
On a nude beach, a man shakes hand with a lady & says: Pleased to meet U!
Lady: Yeah, I can SEE that.
Today's generation:
Six year old boy to a four year old boy: Dude, I found a Condom in the balcony.
Four year old boy: What's a balcony ?
What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes? Stay out of BED for two days.
Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands shook.
The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!" The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times."
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window..
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
Prostitute: Hi, want to have sex?
Santa: Ok. Only if you do it like my wife does.
Prostitute: I can do it in any way. So how does she do it?
Santa: She does it for free.
Doctor: Ur knees all blistered?
Lady: Coz of doggy style!
Doctor: Cant u do it any other style?
Lady: Oh, I can, but the dog can't
Honest Mistake
One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to add an "e" at the end of a word.
"im having such a wonderful time! wish u were her"
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to add an "e" at the end of a word.
"im having such a wonderful time! wish u were her"
Jokes Again
A says to P: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
P says: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even at home yesterday.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
P says to M - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.
Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.
M asks - So what are you going to do this year?.
P replies - I'm gunna take her with me!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
P goes to America for the 1st time, walking up 5th Avenue .
He sees a building on fire and rushes over to see people stuck at the 4th floor windows.
He shouts up , - I'm P, a rugby player, jump and I'll catch ya.
A girl jumps out and P catches her, a guy jumps and P gets him too. Then a black guy jumps and P lets him hit the concrete, then shouts up. Come on now folks, there's no point throwing down the burnt ones!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
P says to M, "Christmas is on a Friday this year"....
M says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
P & M find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station.
M: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
P: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
P is in the bathroom and M shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?"
P says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."
P says: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even at home yesterday.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
P says to M - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.
Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.
M asks - So what are you going to do this year?.
P replies - I'm gunna take her with me!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
P goes to America for the 1st time, walking up 5th Avenue .
He sees a building on fire and rushes over to see people stuck at the 4th floor windows.
He shouts up , - I'm P, a rugby player, jump and I'll catch ya.
A girl jumps out and P catches her, a guy jumps and P gets him too. Then a black guy jumps and P lets him hit the concrete, then shouts up. Come on now folks, there's no point throwing down the burnt ones!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
P says to M, "Christmas is on a Friday this year"....
M says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
P & M find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station.
M: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
P: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
P is in the bathroom and M shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?"
P says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."
Jokes Again
Signal for sex
Man marries deaf girl.
He mimes to her: "Let's make a signal code if we want sex?"
She nods and agrees.
So he goes: "If I want sex, I'll squeeze your breast. In response you can shake my penis once for "yes" and 50 times for "no"....
****************************
Smart
Tom ask hooker how much for sex?
She says: $50 on bed, $20 on sofa and $10 on grass.
He then hands her $50.
She says: "You man of class, one time on bed...?"
He says: "NO!! 5 times on grass...."
****************************
New drink from Malaysia
The Malaysian government has approved the release of a new drink made with cutting edge technology. It's a combination of Horlicks, Milo Kopi & Teh. It's called - "LICKMYKOTEH"....
****************************
Expiry date
A 95 yr old man sucks his 90yr old wife's breast for 1/2 hour, drinks 2 drops of her milk and dies...
Post-mortem report - Died of drinking something after EXPIRY DATE ...
****************************
Biology Lesson
Teacher: A man's penis has 2 key functions: Urination & Reproduction.
Student: But my dad uses it to brush our maid's teeth.
****************************
Government job
A guy goes to interview for a Government job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now ! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."
The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"
" Well, here at the government, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of your coming in for that!"
Man marries deaf girl.
He mimes to her: "Let's make a signal code if we want sex?"
She nods and agrees.
So he goes: "If I want sex, I'll squeeze your breast. In response you can shake my penis once for "yes" and 50 times for "no"....
****************************
Smart
Tom ask hooker how much for sex?
She says: $50 on bed, $20 on sofa and $10 on grass.
He then hands her $50.
She says: "You man of class, one time on bed...?"
He says: "NO!! 5 times on grass...."
****************************
New drink from Malaysia
The Malaysian government has approved the release of a new drink made with cutting edge technology. It's a combination of Horlicks, Milo Kopi & Teh. It's called - "LICKMYKOTEH"....
****************************
Expiry date
A 95 yr old man sucks his 90yr old wife's breast for 1/2 hour, drinks 2 drops of her milk and dies...
Post-mortem report - Died of drinking something after EXPIRY DATE ...
****************************
Biology Lesson
Teacher: A man's penis has 2 key functions: Urination & Reproduction.
Student: But my dad uses it to brush our maid's teeth.
****************************
Government job
A guy goes to interview for a Government job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now ! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."
The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"
" Well, here at the government, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of your coming in for that!"
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